Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
