sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
