so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How does one acquire holy water?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
