Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
