Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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