I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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