he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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