Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
