never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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