My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
