I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
