I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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