i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I am mentally ready for anal.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
