just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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