Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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