Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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