Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
