a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
