halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
