so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
