thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
