She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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