PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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