And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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