If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
