So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
