At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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