sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
