his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
