I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
