FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
