i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
jump out the window naked night went bad
PANTIES FOUND
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