you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
