he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize