We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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