Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
