i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
