She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
