wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
