I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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