xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
