bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize