Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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