My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
