He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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