I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
