As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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