I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
