I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
