Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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