So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
