I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
