Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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