I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
