The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
