I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I didn't notice because vodka
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
