Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
