I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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