Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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