Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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