Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
