I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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