I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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