i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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