nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize