Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
