thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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