there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
