I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We left the knife in your bed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
