I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Such a big mess for such a small penis
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
