I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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