so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
