No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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