the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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