i wish my penis had a tongue
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
