I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
