I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
