In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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